“Well, I’m back, the fog has lifted, the earth has shifted, so raise the gifted.

You knew I’d be back, so pack your bags, and hit the road, jack. Cause Daddy’s home.”

-Kid Rock



Hey, it was either the above as a reference to my long-awaited return to Bluqfu And Associates of ACDC’s Back in Black and since I’m not “African-American” (what do they call people who are Jamaican and move to England?), it really doesn’t fit.

I didn’t die of SARS. I wasn’t killed during the Gulf War. A piece of the space shuttle didn’t fall on me. I’m still alive…sorry to disappoint.

Speaking on what just might be the plague of the 21st century, why is it that everyone’s bitching about how the government is handling this crisis instead of putting their effort towards finding a way to cure it. Of course, no one knows anything about the disease, they’re too busy whining in front of TV cameras.

Kudos gotta go to Mike Meyers for sticking up for his home city of Toronto on the Tonight Show (I think that was it) and helping to encourage people to visit the city and pick up Hogtown’s battered tourism industry.

Funny how, in the aftermath of 9-11, the entire world was expected to pour its heart (and wallet, of course) out for the city of New York, including one particularly offensive commercial where Jason (I Can’t Drive 55) Priestley practically told ME (the Canadian television viewer) that I was coming to New York for some big rally in support of the Big Apple (Geez, Jason, are you gonna tell me what hotel room I’ll be staying at while you’re at it?).

And yet, I don’t recall seeing any New York-based entertainers coming to Toronto’s aid in their time of crisis. I’ve read where Billy “New York State of Mind” Joel and Elton John are canceling their Canadian tour dates.

Hmm…funny how Toronto has become “city non gratais” (is that even spelled right?) because some 29 people have died from the disease over the past three months. Hell, 29 dead is probably a slow night in terms of gang-violence –related deaths in New York City…or L.A…or Detroit and I don’t see bands pulling out of their tour dates in those cities.

Speaking of folks on the “naughty list”, I feel so bad for the French these days. In the days before the Gulf War, the duly elected government of France took a look at the situation, decided that the upcoming American-led conflict had nothing to do with them, involvement in the war would not benefit them and decided that they could not, in good conscience, send their young men and women off to fight in die in such a war.

And America went nuts. Overnight, the French became the second biggest target for American abuse (right behind the Iraq). How dare the French come to their own, independent conclusion about how they should run their own country? Damn those Frogs! They should obey the American’s demands! When America snaps it’s fingers, they should come running or face the consequences.

Now, it’s “Freedom Fries” that you eat with hamburgers (made from Grade A American Beef!) and even the WWE is using the French as heels now (I wonder if the Rougeaus, which combine the cowardly French and us Canucks – also on the outs with the U.S for not running our country by American rules – will be making an appearance soon!).

Let the French be a lesson to the rest of the world. America has spoken! They, not the U.N. and certainly not the individual governments of the world, shall decide world policy.

Actually, a close second to the French in terms of who I feel sorry for, are the Australians, who played the role of the Canadians in this round of Gulf War fighting. Sure, they sent troops to the Gulf, being the good ally that they were, yet the average American (including those who served in the Gulf) probably had no clue they were even there. Canada played that role in Korea, Desert Storm and Afghanistan…it was time to pass the “forgotten ally” role to someone else.

Actually, if this Gulf War taught me anything, it’s that the “freedom of speech” that America prides itself on…no longer exists. Don’t agree… I got two words for ya “Dixie Chicks”. The Dixie Chicks spoke their mind about George Bush and were basically blacklisted for several months because of it.

I guess freedom of speech still exists…as long as you’re speaking out in favour of the government’s latest war.

I am amused…in a sickly, gallows humour kind of way that Saddam managed to “disappear” during the fighting in Iraq. Not unlike the way that Bin-Laden did in Afghanistan. I guess that’s not necessarily a bad thing, however, since it now allows the U.S. to go just about anywhere it feels like going, chalking it up to “liberating” a country from leaders who harbour these leaders and their followers.

And it also assures of yet another “sequel” to the Gulf War five or ten years down the road. Whenever the U.S. needs to bolster it’s economy and generally lay down the law…THEIR law…on the world.

Meanwhile, closer to home, Canada has managed to piss off people who alternately want the laws concerning marijuana use, possession and trafficking toughened up and lightened up. Yep…they manage to get people on both sides of the issue stirred up.

Possessing 15 grams of pot is no only punishable by a fine but things get drastically tougher for people who grow or deal marijuana. People are upset over everything from wondering where do users get grass now to how this will affect U.S./Canada relations.

Well, this is just my opinion but since this is my column so mine is the only one that counts. Anyways, the whole drive towards legalizing marijuana is one of those things that seems okay in theory but you add in the whole human factor and things start getting seriously screwed up (Big business is famous for these kind of things).

If I am reading this correctly, smoking marijuana helps to alleviate some of the more painful side effects of chemotherapy undergone by cancer patients. The idea behind legalizing marijuana would do a lot to ensure that the plight of these patients is lessened, without having them worry that they might be arrested for pot possession and use at any moment. In theory, this is a good thing.

Of course, the human factor comes in and suddenly, it’s not just cancer patients who are using this lessening of the pot laws to their advantage. Pretty soon you’ve got a bunch of teenage kids smoking joints just cause they want to get high and don’t have to worry about the cops raining on their parade. Soon you’ve got middle-aged wanna-be-hippies toking up and getting behind the wheel of a car and causing all kinds of mayhem and injury and death.

See, the human factor. Taking a good idea in theory and totally screwing it up.

Personally, I’d pass a law where, if you have cancer (and certainly, a doctor’s certificate stating such shouldn’t be hard to come by) you can possess marijuana, but can’t use it (or be under the influence of it) outside your own home or, failing that, a medical facility (as in under a doctor’s care). If you’re caught using drugs while driving a car or the ol’ “operating heavy machinery” deal, you’re gonna have to face the music.

But that’s just me.

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